I can’t function tonight.
I don’t know how to describe it.
I haven’t gotten enough sleep this week. I’ve been too emotional this week and cried way too much. I feel like I haven’t handled things well this week. Maybe on the outside I look like I am okay, but I am screaming, dying on the inside.
I feel like I am just listening to the minutes ticking away waiting for it to all be over. Waiting for my life to end so I can just be done with everything.
The therapist that I talked to yesterday encouraged me to try to live more in the moment, to focus on the moment. I told her that I had already started trying to do that. She said to find what I enjoy in each moment.
That’s part of the problem. I don’t enjoy anything. Isn’t that sad? But that is part of depression.
I wish I could somehow just shut down. Not think. Not be.
I still have to be here for my daughters, but I feel like I am walking dead. It’s especially bad tonight. Maybe tomorrow after I get some sleep I will feel a little better. I think I might sleep in the living room tonight. I want to sleep in my bed, but I don’t know if I can stand being near him tonight.
I wish it was all over. I feel like I am in slow motion in a nightmare that will never end.
I sure do hope this new therapist can help me.
I don’t know how I can keep going and going and going like this.