the past three nights

His Dad had hernia surgery on Wednesday.

As I have mentioned, his dad had a stroke over a year ago.  He does basically okay but still has difficulties with certain things.  His mom has bone cancer.  And other health things from time to time.  Overall, she is pretty frail.

The result of this is that Wednesday night and Thursday night and last night, my husband stayed the night at his parents’ house so he could look after them.

I’m very selfish.  I was so glad to have the bed to myself.  I felt so relaxed and slept so well.

His sister is here for today and tomorrow, so he won’t need to stay with his parents.  But at least I got a few nights by myself.  We’ll see what next week brings.

I’ve tried to be comforting and encouraging to my husband in the things that I’ve said because I know it is hard for him to see his parents like this.  Last night, I was thinking, at some point there will be “payback” for my niceness, for trying to be encouraging.

And, last night, he sent me on one of those little wild goose chase things that he does sometimes.  (See this post.)

When I got out of the shower, I saw that there was a text from him.  He asked me if I had any ibuprofen.

(His dad is allergic to certain pain medications, but he can use ibuprofen.  The doctor had told him to take ibuprofen, but he was stubborn and didn’t.  Anyhow, I guess my husband convinced him that he needed to take the ibuprofen.)

I texted him back and told him that I didn’t know, but that I would look.

(I use aspirin when I need to take something.)

I didn’t receive a reply from him.

I looked for ibuprofen and found some Advil, which is ibuprofen.

No reply yet.

I texted him again and said that I found ibuprofen and that I would bring it over to him if he would come out and get it.

Still no reply from him.

And I’m wondering why a man who can only take ibuprofen and was told by the doctor to take ibuprofen for the pain after the surgery doesn’t have any ibuprofen on hand???

Finally, my husband texts me back and says that they don’t need my ibuprofen because they found theirs.

You know, I kinda got that pulling-the-rug-out-from-under-you feeling. I’m sorry his parents are struggling.  I’m sorry it’s hard for him.  I’m trying to be kind and supportive towards him even though I wish he would just go away.  I find the ibuprofen for him/them, I offer to bring it over, and then, well, they don’t need me after all.

Whatever.  Just whatever.

I know that love is supposed to be only care for the other person(s) and not done with the expectation of something in return.  But it still kind of hurts to go out of your way and then to sort of have it thrown back in your face.

I know the whole ibuprofen thing isn’t really that big a deal.  I guess I just get tired of this kind of thing.  I was glad to try to help.  I still am.  I guess maybe I resent being dragged into their drama.

And maybe my husband wanted to intrude on my evening and then let it be known that I’m not needed after all.  Maybe that’s it.

Although he would deny that.

This entry was posted in codependency, covert abuse, divorce, emotional abuse, family, marriage, passive aggressive, passive aggressive behavior, passive aggressive husband, relationships and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to the past three nights

  1. wornout says:

    Yup, I get how you are feeling. That incident by itself seems like no big deal, right.(at least to some people, not to us) Except when those little incidents happen all the time on a daily basis, it sure is a big deal. I feel for you. It is so exhausting living with these PA guys. And it is those incidences, like the one that happened with you with the advil, that suck the life out of us. And I don’t understand why these guys text and then never answer back. My husband does that all the time. He’ll text and initiate a conversation, or ask a question, etc. I will answer back and then he will completely ignore it and not text back. It just feels like everywhere we turn and in every situation we are jabbed by these guys. These guys ruin lives, and seem to enjoy it, while making us seem/feel like it’s our fault and our doing. I’m so beyond done with my husband and all these self centered PA guys. Uugghhh! Hang in there.

  2. Seeing the Light says:

    I totally get it. Mine will start a conversation while we are in the same room and then when I respond, he completely ignores me like I was the one who wanted the conversation in the first place and he wasn’t interested.

  3. Newshoes says:

    Ah yeah, remember those. Hated them… And really what s it all for, there s no reason except to ruin your night.

  4. marsocmom says:

    I get it too. But I think you did things right, offering your time and effort even though it wasn’t appreciated. He’s consistent, though, and maybe next time you could choose not to play by being helpful on the phone, then when he hangs up just make believe the conversation never happened. I’m glad you are able to have some stress-free time to yourself!!

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