When he didn’t give me any more money for Thanksgiving (see post), I pretty much stopped talking to him. At all. Period.
Not there were any great conversations anyway.
He still talks to me.
He tells me about the movie he is watching, whatever it is at the moment. He tells me what his customer said. He tells me about the “drama” going on in our church. He talks about the weather.
My heart and soul are empty and he seems SO oblivious.
My mind is filled with leaving ~ how it will impact me, how it will impact my daughter, how it will impact him.
I think about what my future might hold. I am hopeful and I am scared.
But what does that matter ~ it is freezing cold outside and the actress didn’t get the part she auditioned for.
No, he can’t read my thoughts.
I don’t tell him anymore of the emptiness inside of me.
It didn’t matter to him all the times over the years that I did tell him; I don’t think it would matter to him now.
He’s not really been overly passive aggressive recently. But then again, there’s nothing going on. He’s cancelled the credit card and he controls how much money he gives me. He’s got the power now. I haven’t asked him for anything. I pay for anything that I need or that my daughter needs. I don’t need anything from him that he can reject me on. I’m not requesting anything, like working on the marriage or wanting him to leave. He has nothing to rebel against.
So there’s nothing.
I’m just a lump. I just live in the same house with him. I buy his groceries and wash his laundry and clean his house. And ask nothing of him.
He’s livin’ the good life. He goes to work and kicks around with Josh. He talks to our pastor, the one who thinks I am a horrible wife and mother, about the drama going on in our church. He builds his fort in the woods.
You know, for years this house has needed work. Still does. And he won’t lift a finger to work on this house. But he’ll spend time and money building his man cave/fort in the woods. Yeah, I get the need for a hobby. But whatever. When this house falls in on him, he can just go camp in his fort. I won’t be here and I won’t care.