About four years ago, I discovered a book titled “His Needs Her Needs.” I’ve wanted to write about this book on my blog for awhile now and tonight seemed to be a good time to start.
For years and years and years, even before the poem was written (a couple of posts back), I felt like our marriage was empty, that something was missing. But I couldn’t figure out what. After all, he didn’t beat me or yell at me or chase women. He was home every night. He had a steady job. Etc.
When I read this book, I understood so much more why I felt unfulfilled in my marriage. (At the time, I still hadn’t figured out the passive aggressive stuff.)
There are ten needs in every marriage: five of them are the woman’s needs and five of them are the man’s needs.
I actually was going to start with his needs and even the needs that he has that I don’t fulfill.
But this evening was so lacking in any interesting conversation with him (nothing new) that I decided to start with “Conversation,” because there really isn’t any. And I was feeling frustrated. Yet again.
The book says that a wife needs her husband to talk to her; she needs intimate conversation. Yes, he talks to me, but, seriously, it’s about the weather, the price of gas, the neighborhood gossip. And, yes, he does talk about his job, which I know is important to him. These conversations could be held between two polite strangers.
But… we can’t talk about anything that I want to talk about. He turns the conversation back to himself. Or he says nothing and I mean literally nothing! Or the conversations become like talking to a sulking two-year-old. Or he becomes insulting.
There is nothing mature and deep and intimate about our conversations at all.
I guess that’s about it for “Conversation” tonight.
He’s spending the night at the convalescent home in his mom’s room, so she will have someone to keep her company. Don’t ask me why his dad isn’t spending the night there; I don’t know.
Anyhow, I will sleep alone tonight. And nicely relaxed.
Passive Aggressive Abuse 