He’s been doing something recently that really bugs me. He hangs around me. If I’m in the kitchen, he hangs around the kitchen and talks. If I’m in the bedroom, he comes in the bedroom and stands around and talks. And he keeps asking me to go places with him.
This is going to be a little hard to explain. Yes, for years and years (and years), I wanted him to spend more time with me. And he wouldn’t.
Then, late last summer, I asked him to move out. Of course, he wouldn’t. So now, he is just always there.
It seems that whatever I want, he does the opposite.
And the thing about him hanging around is that even though he is there, and usually talking to me, it still feels like I don’t really matter that much. He’s just talking about himself. I might as well be anybody. It’s hard to explain.
When he does ask me something about my day, and I answer him, then he has something negative to say about whatever I said.
And sometimes he’s there, in the same room, but obviously not there. As in, “I am here but I am not going to interact with you even though you are the only other person here.” It’s kind of weird. It’s not like companionable silence; it’s uncomfortable somehow. I don’t know if I am making any sense.
For years I have felt tense around him. I never knew what he was going to say, if he was going to be pleasant or passive aggressive. Now I am even more tense, because honestly I don’t care what he says, I just want him to leave me alone.
It’s almost like being around a child who doesn’t understand personal space, who doesn’t understand that maybe the whole world doesn’t revolve around them, who doesn’t understand that maybe somebody else has other interests as well. I almost feel sorry for him.
I don’t know; maybe by hanging around and talking, he thinks that he is working on the relationship. Maybe if the “conversations” were different. Maybe if it was more than just the weather, the view where he was working, the person that he saw who know somebody or was related to somebody.
Or not.
Passive Aggressive Abuse 
I felt this way a lot at the end right before I asked him to move out. It’s like I’m not really interested in working on whats wrong between us but maybe if I hang around it will look like I am. Your past the point of wanting to have anything to do with him or for him to have anything to do with you. so it just gets on your nerves and drives you up the wall. Because now it is like they are over bearing and you have no privacy. Everyone time I would pick the phone up to text or call someone or someone would get a hold of me I got 20 questions. If I got on the computer he wanted to sit down and read over my shoulder anything I was trying to do or have 50 questions about what I was doing and who I was talking to and what we were talking about. He would say i am just trying to spend time with you or be into things you are. he really wasn’t. It was at that point just to seem like he he was and to be nosy and see what he could find out. If I was talking to someone or seeing anyone and things like that.
Yep, you know exactly what it’s like!!!
This is exactly how I felt after we decided to get divorced. I wanted so badly before we made the decision for him to spend time with me and just be present. After the decision was made, I didn’t want him to talk to me or to be in the same room with me. I didn’t want to entertain his “conversations” about himself. Even when he did things I would have loved previously, I just wanted him to go away. I was D-O-N-E and there was nothing that was going to change it. Everything he did just made me resentful that he didn’t do it earlier when I wanted it. :)
I feel guilty for wanting him to just go away when he is finally being around me (sorta) after wanting him to pay attention to me all those years.